Marriott County Hall – Me, Dan, a human, a dalek, and a vase!

Life is chock-full of coincedences, irony, fateful occurences, vases, and daleks, ok, I’ve got ahead of myself, pray, let me explain!

Myself and the legendary ultra-athlete Dan Evans recently had the great fortune to be guests at the London Marriott Hotel County Hall. Now, look, these guys know what they’re doing. THIS is a proper hotel. I strolled in, quite bleary-weary (that’s a new term I made up on the day bleary-weary, I hope it catches on, if it does – you read it here first people, I hope it reaches the heights of my other oft-used phrases such as Beardy-Weirdy, & of course the all time great ‘Shaggered’, err, anyway, moving on….) , and the receptionist to my great astonishment was an actual human being. Seriously, he was (and I know my robots). This guy (damnation & gadzooks for not remembering this great chap’s name) was brilliant, and I am not one easily impressed, he asked how my day was like he really cared – no – he really did care. I said my day had been ’strange’ (well it was), he laughed, I laughed, then he actually came around the reception desk to my side and showed me where the restaurant was, and then to the lift. Marriott people, please, this guy needs to be rewarded, no, KNIGHTED, ok, well, thanked at the very least. Brilliant.

I got into my room expecting to do the usual (what?, take off my jacket & rucksack, what the Benny Hill do you think I meant?), but what I saw was amazing, firstly a welcome platter of fruit that was hugely welcome, yet what I saw next both surprised & tickled me… a vase. Ok, look, it wasn’t the vase specifically (although it was lovely as vases go) but the fact that they’ve put a vase in MY room, that’s just plain crazy – they don’t know meee I thought, if they did they would know not to put that there. Don’t get me wrong, I am not reckless, I am not a thief, or any kind of troublemaker (ok maybe I am the latter but) it’s just that it is the kind of thing I wouldn’t be able to not have a laugh with, if my pal/wife/evil monkey was with me I would have tossed it over to them as a joke – LOOK OUT A VASEEEEEEE – you get the picture.

The fact that that vase was there made me think. This is a great hotel. Lovely welcoming staff, lovely rooms, amazing beds, and a vase. That vase to me represented something special (no riff raff I thought (like me) Basil Fawlty would have been in his element), it meant that this was a great place to be. So suddenly I felt lost – what was I doing here I thought, in a room, with a vase. THEN (stay with me) I looked out of the window, and even though there was the astonishing proximity to the London Eye & the phenomenally stunning Big Ben, Westminster Bridge, & Parliament, there was something else altogether that made me feel absolutely that I was at home….. a Dalek!

Now. How?? what??? howwhat? Did they know, they couldn’t have, impossible, the chances (I am slightly a large Dr Who fan-atic). It was a weird thing, I immediately called Dan to see if he too had a Dalek outside his window (he didn’t). Crazy. I went back and stared at my vase, confused & excited.

After Dan prised me away from the vase (a vase in my room, ok, you get the picture I guess), we went for a meal in the County Hall restaurant, complete again, with a stunning view overlooking the Thames. Now, Danno, he is a steak aficionado, and somehow I went down the same route – the Rib Eye route, all 20 ounces of the beast. Oh wait, again, I’ve gone too far. We had starters too BUT but but before the starters we were brought a mini mushroom soup, yummo (add that to the new words book), and then the starters, and then the Rib Eye.

We talked, we dined, we had coffees (mine a decaff which absolutely upset Richard our waiter, him being Italian of course - I daren’t tell him my favourite coffee was a Nescafe!). Words really cannot do the meal justice, and am sure Dan agree with my constant flow of verbal artistry, it was the perfect blend of a fantastic evening.

We retired to our rooms (I was bored of the vase by now) and had just about the best sleep I’ve ever had! I do not know what or how or whench they do to these beds, but blimmery jinkeries, it is like the softest, but firmest, dreamiest, ahhh, they’re amazing you must try them, beds.

I could mention the library lounge, the swimming pool on the 5th floor, the location, (the vases?) the utter comfiness of the whole experience at the London Marriott Hotel County Hall, but seriously, it is the kind of thing you really should go and do first hand. Forget the Claridge’s, the Ritz’s of London, this is a hidden gem, that for that special occassion, or just to plain treat yourself for, is the one to stay at!